ok what's the worst (or the funniest)thing you ever told another player ?

ok we'vs all heard the insane trash talk the FUs, the you DONKs etc etc but have you ever told a player to "get it fixed" or anything like that? I think the meanest thing (read funniest ) I ever did to a guy was in a 7 stud play money game. I don't recomend trying this at your local casino or card room where actual cash is involved, it could be detrimental to your health & general well being. In this case it was play money on UB and everyone, including the "victim" got a good laugh ! anyway in this particular hand I started with rolled up 5s & being rolled up but such a small set I was raising my ass off trying to take down the pot before someone sucked out on me, Well I couldn't get anyone out, but ended up getting VERY lucky & caught the case 5 on 7th street! weeeeeeeee !!! QUADS !!! and 3 of them are CONCEALED !!!!! well on 7th street I bet & my opponent raises he says " I have a flush " so I ask him " does 2 pair beat a flush" & I reraise! He puts in the 3rd raise & he goes " I thought you said you had 2 pair? " " I do ! I have a pair of 5s and ANOTHER pair of 5s" & make the call !!! it took a little while to get the next hand started as everyone was laughing too hard.

Good story! Okay.. I'll tell one that I was a part of a long time ago.. some 34 years ago. I was in the Air Force and was TDY on a ship for 30 days. Lot's of card games all the time and there were several good poker games. I got in one that was $.50/$2... that is chips were $.5o/$1/$2. I was only 19.... almost 20 playing with a lot of older guys. I was holding my own... ahead, but not a big winner at the time when this hand of 7 stud came up. I caught 3 10's... wired! A bet was made and I raised $2.. got reraised... I raised..etc. This goes on every bet till 5th street... when 2 players hit what looked like flushes. I haven't seen any improvement and all my cards are junk except my 3 10's. The flushes started raising, I called. 6th street comes and 3 guys hit full houses(all very concealed with small pairs)! Everyones raising and I'm like...wtf.... too big a pot to get out with 1 card left so I call. This one wise guy was making comments to me how I was stupid to be in the hand.. and at that point... I wasn't too sure he wasn't correct, but I figured I was in too far not to try to fill up and hopefully beat em... just had to call that max betting round and it would be over if I didn't hit. Well the wise guy bet... got raised.... got back to me and I raised!.... He's laughing and raised the last one.... and everyone CALLS! He's gotta show first and has a fullhouse J's up(he had 2 in the hole). Everyone is folding and he's making fun of all the calls... it gets to me... I'm last to show... I told him that I hope everyone got out of his full house.. cause it just burned to the ground! Then I turned up my 3 10's in the hole!!! Everyone busted out laughing..saying "4 TENS! and WHAT A POT!... everyone but him.. that is. He didn't take it too well... but hey...they told him you shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch! He calmed down after a bit and we kept playing and had a good time.

One day a guy told me that his girlfriend just committed suicide, and boy was i shook!!

Haha, two funny stories from dats and the O.P!

Mine was actually a few months ago in a home game with my close friends. We had a tournament style game where every player (16 of us) bought in for $20. We had two tables set up in the room and obvious math leads us to the conclusion that sixteen divided by two equals eight. So we'd be going back and forth in between hands from table to table, making jokes when people started busting out, a general state of bedlam. So we get down to the "final" table and I'm second in chips with seven people remaining when it happened.

The cards get dealt out and before I start looking at my cards I say, "I'm not going to lie to you guys, I have Pocket Kings right now". I make a vow (which in home games I often do) to not look at my cards 'til the action gets to me, instead I'll watch how my friends react to their cards. So the first two guys fold, and my friend sitting two seats to my right decides to make a raise (I think he was fourth in chips). Guy next to me folds. I go to him, "Shawn, I told you I have Pocket Kings. Are you pretending you have Aces?" I don't even look at my cards. Because I'm on the button and I'm against my friends (not exceptionally skilled players) I'm going to use that to my advantage anyway. So I immediately raise his bet and the SB and BB fold. He goes into the tank for a second before making the call, and his body language was telling me that his cards were really good. He tried to make the call look so weak that it was almost obvious how strong he was. So I decide before the hand is dealt I'll make one more continuation bet if he checks to me, and if he raises I'll toss them unless I hit something. Flop comes K K 9. I start laughing to myself inside because common sense tells me obviously I can't have two kings in this spot. The table is laughing at my bold statement earlier. I said, "Wow Shawn, I have four of a kind. I'd fold if I were you." Not only does he NOT fold, he bets into me! I know he must be huge to make that kind of a bet. I look down at my cards. POCKET KINGS!!!!!! NO EFFIN' WAY! I knew he was committed to the hand, he's one of only a few people that I can actually read with certainty. So I said "all-in" as meek and bluffingly as I could. He insta-calls! ACES! The funniest part was that he hit the ace on the river and made the full house! I couldn't stop laughing for at least twenty-minutes, I literally asked the table to break so I could go and collect myself. To this day I doubt anything of that nature will ever happen again, and it's a story I'll always cherish - not because I crushed my friend in such a horrible way, but because it was likely this hand that gave me a strong chip advantage and allowed me to win the game.

It's honestly too good to be true, I'd think the story came out of a book or movie if it hadn't happened to me in the flesh.

when people start talking crap i call them internet gangstas. most people who do this are b***hes in real life so i don't know why people talk tough on the computer. if you ain't tough in person don't be a tough typer. internet gangsta copyright by illphillllllll all rights reserved.

i,m not one for casual talk at the table so its seldom i say anything...but i was bored one night and joined my friend at a play money omaha hilo game,i,m playing and having a good night of play fun hitting alot of cards...if you,ve played with me you know i,m courteous if you win..bad beat or not...i just use poker ettiquette..unless i,m attacked.
anyway i,m dealt AsQs2d3d..a guy in front makes a big raise n i call the flop comes3s,4s,qd..he pushes all in,i immediately call..the turn the 5c,the river 8h.i win..the guy is holding a pair of aces..and he goes off in chat calling me names saying i dont know anything..blah blah...i said look if you think i,m that bad of a player i said we can go to the money tables and you can teach me a lesson...hes saying i,ll take all your money you donk ect..so i say ok name your limit and will go...he says $1-$2...inside i,m going uh oh..but i open the table and wait,and wait..finally i say to him are you going to back it up or not?i,m at the table follow and teach me this big lesson...he is not replying...so i said i get it now..pokerstars doesnt accept food stamps huh?the table just bust out laughing and he leaves.

Was playing one night, and there was a guy with a south American accent at the table. He started talking to me about how he was a minister, all the great work he did down there. We became great friends afterward and now usually hang out on full tilt.

My best friend is a christian, she is one of those really conservative gambling is a bad thing for christians or good people to do. She always gave me a hard time about poker.

Needless to say after she met my friend, and seen all the great work he does, she shut up and never ever bothered me with her bullshit talks again. She realized it is a game, that simple, there wasn't some horrible addiction behind it, and not everything was a scam that involved poker on the internet, she was just ignorant all together. Thanks to my friend she just shut up.

And then there was peace!!!!!!!!!!!!