Blonde Jokes!

Sorry if they're offensive!!!


A man asked a blonde what she thought about blonde jokes.
She replied, ''I think they are good but they might be offensive to some mexicans."
How do a blonde's brain cells die?
Alone.

A blonde goes into a music store and asks the guy who works there where the country music CD's are.
The salesman replies, "Try the other side."
So the blonde moves to his other ear and says, "Where are the country music CD's?"
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over
to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The
blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some
coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the
neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.
She asked her why she was crying this time. ''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror.
What do you call a blonde with a half a brain?
Gifted!

lol very nice man. i got some too...

How do you kill a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool!


How does a blonde kill a bird?

Throw it off a cliff.

How does a blonde kill a fish?

drown it

LOL. ROFL. i like all of them besides the bird one rofl considering im a bird! and wait a blonde too, so all these jokes refer to me lol, anyways good blondy jokes.

Very Nice Nicolas.



LMFAO

Ok they are even funnier if the CC is flowing for a bit.



Milk Bath

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He
thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on her door to
clarify the point.


The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"


The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."


The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?"


The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes."

LMAO....always like the blonde jokes....so heres a few more.......

what do you call a blonde sitting between 2 brunettes?
a mental block.....

what do you call a brunette sitting between 2 blondes?
a translator.....

a blonde goes into a pharmacy and asks for Anal deoderant......the clerk replys Anal deoderant?? ...nobody makes that.She says..sure they do silly...the instructions say to push up bottom to use.

how do you know when a blonde has been on the computer?
the joystick is wet and sticky......

Long live the blonde squad!!

The Blonde goes to the doctor with pain all over.
The doctor says show me wher it hurts.
The Blonde takes her hand and touches her head.
She says doctor it hurts here.
She then does the same to her nose.
She says doctor it hurts here.
Again she touches her knee and then her stomach.
She says doctor it hurts here.
She touches her foot.
She says doctor it hurts here.

The doctor says I think I know whats wrong with you.
The Blonde asks Doctor:
Doctor Doctor whats wrong with me.

The Doctor replys:
Miss I think you have a broken finger.

Okay, I told this one in chat last night, but didn't tell it as a blonde joke, which is the way I heard it on the golf course. Thought I would share it here.

These 2 women were walking home, one was a redhead, the other was a blonde. When they get to the red heads house, her husband comes out and gives her a big bouquet of flowers and then goes back inside. The red head says, "Damn! Now I have to go inside and go to the living room and lay back and hike my legs up all afternoon!"

The blonde says, " Why is that? Don't you have a vase?"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.

For years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp.

They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one."

So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I
miss my family and my husband and my life - I just want to go home."

POOF, she is gone.

The redhead makes her wish, "This place sucks, I want to go home too."

POOF, she is gone.



The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "What is the matter?"



The blonde said, "I wish my friends were here."

A Blonde's Brain

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The
brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and
the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female
boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal
time.

"That was fun," says the brunette.

"We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde.

"I almost got caught."

what do you call a naked blonde doing a handstand?
a brunette with bad breath............................

Bank Robbery

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action.

The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?"

The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..."

The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff.

Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!"

The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited.

After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up.

The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun.

The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving.

The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind.

The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?"

The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!"

The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"

slyone66 wrote:what do you call a naked blonde doing a handstand?
a brunette with bad breath............................

EWWWWW !!!! by the way im a blonde with bad breath

Football Joke

2 Nuns and a blonde

What do you call two nuns and a blonde?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

51 days!!!

Two blondes walk into a bar, each orders a drink.
They go and sit down and start toasting and chearing, "51 days! 51
days!!"
About five minutes later, another blonde walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the chearing.
Finally, another blonde walkes in with what looks like a cardboard picture. She puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts chearing with the others, "51 days! 51 days!!

The Bar Tender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Cookie Monster puzzle.
He walks over to one of the blondes and asks, "What on earth are you doing??" "Well," the blonde says, "everyone thinks blondes are so stupid, so we proved them wrong.
On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it
in only 51 days!!!

Roller wrote:51 days!!!

Two blondes walk into a bar, each orders a drink.
They go and sit down and start toasting and chearing, "51 days! 51
days!!"
About five minutes later, another blonde walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the chearing.
Finally, another blonde walkes in with what looks like a cardboard picture. She puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts chearing with the others, "51 days! 51 days!!

The Bar Tender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Cookie Monster puzzle.
He walks over to one of the blondes and asks, "What on earth are you doing??" "Well," the blonde says, "everyone thinks blondes are so stupid, so we proved them wrong.
On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it
in only 51 days!!!

HA! I've heard that one plenty of times, but it NEVER gets old! I love blonde jokes! lol.

Weight Problem

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks.
The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was
going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping."

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender for some drinks:

Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."

Bartender: "What is a B and C?"

Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."

Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."

Bartender: "What's a G and T?"

Redhead: "Gin and tonic."

Blonde: "I'll have a 15."

Bartender: "What's a 15?"

Blonde: "7 and 7."

This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop.
His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?"
The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.
So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in.

She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes.

A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before." She pays him, and off she goes.

About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?"

He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before." She pays him, and off she goes.

Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"

why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory??? she was throwing away all the wws

jimbeam77 wrote:why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory??? she was throwing away all the wws

lol

LMAO

It is ok then it gets funny.

Nice one Jimbeam.

how do you entertain a blonde chick
(see below)

how do you entertain a blonde chick
(see above)

LMAO... ...CLASSIC !!!! VG1 kevin

Blonde Interpreter

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.

As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.

Surf Rat wrote: LMAO... ...CLASSIC !!!! VG1 kevin

glad you liked that one rat